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| Joseph Heller hated you. |
It Goes Without Saying
It goes without saying that anyone with any imagination can think of any number of horrible things which could have happened but didn't. Even the author of this demented website, a clown on the internet who is clearly having trouble thinking clearly, could imagine 10 or 20 new ones every day for at least a couple of months.
We can and should be thankful that none of these horrible things have happened. But Americans are not usually comfortable feeling thankful, which is why we only do it one day a year. So there's no point in going on and on, which is not to imply that I couldn't have done so, nor that I won't do so in the future.
Hypothetical Events
However, if any of the hypothetical events described herein had actually happened, telling the truth about these events might have become so dangerous that most of us might have stopped doing so, leaving only those who could find tricky ways to do it safely.
For instance, people might have tried to disguise the truth as humor, or as fiction, or even as humorous fiction. Or they might have tried to camouflage it by claiming that certain events had never happened when they clearly had, while insisting that other events had happened when they clearly had not.
and if you listen very hard
The Most Extreme Cases
In the most extreme cases, some writers might have started saying the opposite of what they really meant, leaving little clues behind and hoping their readers would be smart enough to pick up on those clues and re-read their work with the understanding that every phrase or sentence could potentially mean the opposite of what it says.
the tune will come to you at last
Many such essays were written by dissident Soviet writers in the 20th century, and of course they were difficult for readers to understand, especially at first. But the Soviets were struggling under a tyrannical government which could exist only by feeding its citizens an endless stream of lies. So even the truth-tellers had to start lying.
when all are one and one is all
Once their readers became accustomed to the new style, they were able to share extremely subversive information secretly but in the open, as it were, and right under the eyes of their watchers.
to be a rock and not to roll
A Brilliant Literary Device
It was a brilliant literary device, born of dire necessity, and it turned out to be amazingly useful. Fortunately, we haven't seen any contemporary essays written in such a style, at least not yet. So we're in pretty good shape so far.
Granted, "pretty good" is not the same as "very good". But still, things could have turned out much worse than they did, by a very wide margin.
You do believe me, don't you?
Listen: Bill Nelson / Be Bop Deluxe: Maid In Heaven
She's a maid in heaven
he's a knight on the tiles
a bat out of hell, oh well
it's just a question of style
