Catch-9/11: Chapter 2: Honest Reactions from Great Statesmen or The Grand Parade of Snarling Psychopaths

Chapter 2: Honest Reactions from Great Statesmen or The Grand Parade of Snarling Psychopaths

Benjamin Netanyahu loves you.

An Epidemic of Failure

All decent patriotic Americans have a built-in failure to remember what our great American and Israeli leaders tell us. And this is understandable because (1) most of what they say doesn't make any sense, and (2) telling the truth is not part of their job description. We say "actions speak louder than than words", and that is certainly true. But their words are loud, too, sometimes. Fortunately, most of what I'm about to tell you was forgotten a long time ago.

Donald Rumsfeld loves you.

Donald Rumsfeld

Donald Rumsfeld, who was Secretary of Defense on 9/11, hastened to inform us that the fight against the terrorists who had attacked us would be a "generational war". This statement didn't make any sense in light of the fact that the alleged hijackers were assumed to be dead at that point. Those who had survived didn't start surfacing until the next day.

Rumsfeld's comments made more sense when they were interpreted not as an estimate of how long it would take to track down and kill all the dead hijackers, but as a hope that the war would be a long one. Some slimy little bugs expressed the latter point of view, revealing that they were in danger of becoming clowns.

Condoleezza Rice loves you.

Condoleeza Rice

Our lovely National Security Advisor, Condoleeza Rice, made a statement which confused a good many people, but only because they had been paying attention for almost two months. The lovely Ms. Rice said

I don’t think anybody could have predicted that these people would take an airplane and slam it into the World Trade Center, take another one and slam it into the Pentagon, that they would try to use an airplane as a missile.

This Was Confusing

And this was confusing for the few odd listeners who didn't have attention deficit disorders because these unfortunates couldn't help but remember the stories that had come out of Italy less than two months earlier. In the third week of July, President Bush and his goon squad had been guests of the Italian government during a meeting of G8 leaders in Genoa, in northwestern Italy. ^[1] And the Italian intelligence services had been hearing whispers about an airborne attack which might be coming soon.

Terrorists Attacking with Hijacked Aircraft?

Suspecting that militant Islamic terrorists might be trying to steal an airplane and crash it in a bad spot, the Italian authorities arranged to have Genoa encircled by anti-aircraft batteries, which would surely neutralize any airborne attacks. None of this would have been known to the American news audience except the White House gang considered a ring of anti-aircraft guns inadequate protection, and they spent their evenings aboard an aircraft carrier anchored in the Mediterranean, rather than enjoying the sights of the beautiful city hosting the event. ^[2]

Some Odd News Reports

And the news reports which mentioned this odd circumstance seemed mostly slanted, emphasizing how unhappy the Italians had been when they saw that their security precautions and their hospitality had been deemed inadequate by the so-called leader of the free world, who either was or was not an honored guest in their country (depending on whether or not he was on the carrier). None of the reports coming in from Italy gave any hint that the erstwhile hosts had any reason to feel offended in any way, but it was clear that they had offended their American guests by showing a faint note of displeasure over the affair.

This salami came from Genoa.

Trouble Buying Salami

I remember this clearly because I was listening to foreign news on a portable radio in those days, and the European reporters pronounced the name of the city as "ZHENN-o-ah", more or less like an Italian, and in stark contrast to the American pronunciation, which sounds more like "jenn-OH-ah".

I was hoping this bit knowledge would seep into our local scene because the clerks in the deli never understood me when I asked for salami.

don't be alarmed now

What Are They Afraid Of?

But I was also thinking, "Bush and the boys are really afraid of something. They don't usually show that kind of fear, or any fear at all, really. They don't even show any respect most of the time. So what's up?"

And it was chilling to hear the lovely Condoleeza Rice announce that nobody could have imagined in September the threat which had them all quaking in their boots in July.

Her mysterious remark became even more confusing ^[3] when we found out that the FAA had been warned in 1998 that just such an attack was being planned by evil terrorists, and that this was not the only instance in which federal officials had been warned about potential suicide hijackers. ^[4]

A Very Endearing Smile

And for a while I allowed myself to entertain the suspicion that our National Security Advisor might be giving us some bad advice about national security. But then she flashed that endearing smile we have all come to love, and I knew she was telling the truth, as always.

George W. Bush loves you.

George W. Bush

The President appeared on TV later in the day than the commentators apparently expected him, although none of them even hinted that he could have done anything to improve the situation in any way, or even that he would be interested in doing such a thing.

His statement, which made it very clear that nobody in his administration could possibly have imagined an attack of this type, was very reassuring to those of us who have always wondered how the government can possibly function unless the President knows exactly what all the other members of his administration are capable of imagining at all times.

We were all supposed to be comforted by the thought that this stupid little jerk had everything under control. And maybe that doesn't seem like much consolation, but considering all the other things that had happened already that day, we weren't in a position to ask for much more.

Henry Kissinger loves you.

Henry Kissinger

Henry Kissinger was so surprised by the overwhelming events of the day that he could barely manage to compose a "Terrorist Manifesto" in time for it to be published as an op-ed in the 9/12 editions of the Washington Post.

Kissinger's editorial could hardly have been more powerful or polished had it been written in advance of the overwhelmingly surprising attacks. ^[5] But then how could we expect anything less than polished prose from an immigrant who has been in this country for almost a thousand years and still can't speak English?

Serious literary analysts have determined that Kissinger's op-ed must have been ghost-written by someone with intimate knowledge of the language, possibly the Pres ...

George W. Bush Again

It's especially fortunate in retrospect that George W. Bush didn't speak of himself as having "hit the trifecta" during fourteen separate public appearances before his controllers could get him to stop saying it. And it's equally fortunate that he never referred to the 9/11 attacks as having provided an "opportunity".

Such statements could have been seen as crass and inappropriate for a President, especially a President as Presidential as he was. And some people were saying that comments such as these could possibly give people the wrong idea.

Crass and Opportunistic

Speaking of crass and inappropriate and giving people the wrong idea, the Israelis could have used 9/11 as a pretext to commit unspeakable crimes against the Palestinians, much as they usually do with no pretext, but without the usual inadequate repercussions for a change. I'm pleased to say they didn't do that.

A Major Military Operation

Had they done so, it would have looked opportunistic, except to those who understand how much planning a major military operation requires, even if it's only a major military operation against defenseless civilians trapped in an open-air concentration camp.

They would have seen an Israeli attack launched in the immediate aftermath of 9/11 as a sure sign of foreknowledge. So it's very fortunate that nothing of the sort actually occurred.

Benjamin Netanyahu loves us all.

Benjamin Netanyahu

It's also fortunate that no Israeli leaders have ever expressed any pleasure at the news of the attacks. If an Israeli statesman, such as Benjamin Netanyahu, had said, "It's very good", he might have felt compelled to add, "Well, it's not good, but it will generate immediate sympathy (for Israel)."

Otherwise his words might have caused a bit of unwarranted tension between the U.S. and its most important Middle Eastern ally, possibly with a detrimental effect on the War on Terror.

Netanyahu Again

Tensions could have been further inflamed if Benjamin Netanyahu had later said, "We are benefiting from one thing, and that is the attack on the Twin Towers and Pentagon, and the American struggle in Iraq." ^[6] Such a statement would obviously have been incorrect because the attack on the Twin Towers and Pentagon, and the American struggle in Iraq, were two things if not three.

Dissident Journalist Obviously Obfuscating

Needless to say, Netanyahu's remarks caused a bit of a stir in some deranged quarters. Several unhinged clowns seized on his statements and took them out of context, warping the obvious meaning by claiming Netanyahu had said Israel was benefiting from the attacks of 9/11.

One of the most remarkable and revealing aspects of the whole sorry mess revealed itself when an allegedly dissident alleged journalist popped her lovely head above the trenches, as it were, and expressed her opinion on the matter. Her opinion boiled down to a single sentence, which ran: "I wish he would stop saying things like this because it gives people the wrong idea."

As you can imagine, this allegedly dissident alleged journalist, having shown her true colors with that one bizarre statement, was never taken seriously again, at least by one frozen clown in particular.

Trapped in the ICE

This unfortunate clown had been working behind the scenes to try to make her copy appear as if she understood English, and to publicize the mess into which her unfortunate cousin had fallen.

The cousin, who was a legal immigrant, had tried to renew her Green Card, as she had done in the past, but instead of stamping a new card for her, the friendly ICE agents tossed her in the slammer.

Incoming Fire

The situation was sufficiently complicated without the intrusion of one particularly fiery blogger who didn't seem to know much of anything. He had insulted some serious clowns in the past, apparently on the grounds of his inborn superiority rather than rational thought or serious argumentation.

In this case, the fiery one stuck his head above the trenches, so to speak, publicly insisting that the cousin had been "detained" because of her connection with the allegedly dissident alleged journalist.

Of course he was welcome to his fiery opinion, as we all were when we lived in a free country, but one of the clowns dared to point out that his argument made no sense because the cousin behind ICE bars had been detained along with a host of other legal immigrants, and she had been speaking with them.

The Inside Story

Needless to say, this happened during those comfortable long-ago days when we were all under the impression that attempting to renew a Green Card was not a serious offense. How little we knew back then.

The cousin had reported back, using a secret code which only the allegedly dissident alleged journalist could read. And the coded message said, in effect:

I'm being held with 75 or 100 other people. We have these things in common: (1) We're all here legally. (2) We all came in to renew our green cards. (3) None of us has ever been charged, let alone convicted, of any crime, or any violation of any laws governing visas, immigration, or anything else.

I am the only one here who has any connection with a journalist.

Even when presented with these facts, which blew his fiery argument out of the water and all the way to Saturn, so to speak, our fiery friend doubled down on his claim that the cousin had been detained because she was related to the allegedly dissident alleged journalist.

An Astonishing Admission

It was an astonishing admission of ignorance, arrogance, and stubbornness, the sort of thing that gives 9/11 Truthers a bad name. But then again our fiery friend had never shown any sympathy to the the 9/11 Truthers, whom he preferred to call "flying ducks" or perhaps another phrase that just happened to rhyme.

The man with the fiery temper had already expressed his opinion that the Truthers were doing the nation a disservice by continuing to mention the undeniable fact that an oral history compiled and published by the New York Times had contained accounts from more than 100 eyewitnesses who were on the scene at the time and who described evidence of explosions in the towers.

A Weird Situation

Our fiery blogger, who was not on the scene at the time but watched the disaster unfold on television from California, figured he knew more than the people who had been there when the bombs started going off.

It was a weird situation.

I can make the long and boring story a bit shorter without making it any less boring by telling you that the fiery blogger disappeared fairly suddenly behind the smoke of a self-discrediting fire.

And the allegedly dissident alleged journalist deleted her blog and rode off into the sunset after the clown who had done the most to try to help her and her unfortunate cousin pointed out how sad he found it that her "amazing new group blog" was becoming a three-headed monster.

An Allegedly Former Commander

One of the three heads was attached to a former big-shot in the Department of Attack, who had supposedly retired but continued to refer to himself as a "Commander". This fair and balanced reporter had somehow developed the unseemly habit of falsely describing the atrocities which were not being committed by U.S. forces in the countries the U.S. had not yet decided to blame for the 9/11 attacks.

This "commander" might possibly have written a few posts which might have been worth reading if he had been able to talk himself into including a few details from the foreign press, or a quote from an eyewitness, and/or a description the physical evidence in any of his very articulate articles.

Instead he reported only the denials that were continually being issued by the clearly psychopathic serial liars who spoke on these matters as representatives of our noble Pentagon. And it was so obvious that not even a clown could fail to notice. But our friendly commander could not understand why his posts were being described as "biased" by anyone at all, let alone a particularly annoying clown.

A Fool with No Credentials at All

The second "head" of the trio was connected to another author who had no apparent connection to the Pentagon nor any credentials whatsoever.

He wrote confidently of his unshakeable opinion that the people who had been "detained" at the beginning of the Glorious War on Terror were guilty of whatever they happened to be charged with. Unfortunately he refused to answer any questions concerning the factual basis supporting his opinion or whether in fact there was one.

Three Peas in an Evil Pod

As if this were not sufficiently strange, our allegedly dissident alleged journalist was running an irregular series called "Anti-Semitism Update" in which she would feature the most trivial complaints from Jews who said they were being discriminated against for no reason.

It was a sad situation all around, except for the writers who contributed to the allegedly dissident blog in question.

They were giving regular shout-outs to their handlers, saying in effect, "Look how willingly I can accept the official lies and pass them on."

Why Do You Hate Me?

And some clown on the internet sat quietly and watched the whole sorry lot of Israeli assets expose themselves. Finally he couldn't stand it anymore and he wrote a post in which he expressed his disappointment at having found the allegedly dissident alleged journalist whom he had worked so hard to help spinning such obvious fiction.

The humble frozen post written by the humble frozen blogger could have been safely ignored with no apparent ill effect. But the allegedly dissident alleged journalist was so offended that she fired off an email asking, "Why do you hate me?"

What Have You Done for Me Lately?

The clown responded that he didn't hate her at all and had only been trying to tell the truth. And he wondered how could she have thought such a thing after all he'd done to try to win her cousin's freedom from the ICE goons.

But apparently none of the assistance which the clown had provided in the past made any difference once the clown had called a spade a spade. Or a club a club. Or something.

Sudden Disappearances

The clown was not unhappy with the thought that he may have contributed to the sudden disappearance of the allegedly dissident alleged journalist's alleged credibility. But he was very unhappy about sudden disappearance of her blog.

He had been hoping the blog would survive so he could link to it in support of his very unpopular stance suggesting that one of our most beloved allegedly dissident alleged journalists was deliberately acting against our best interests, motivated by her allegiance to the terrorist apartheid state of Israel which dated back to her days in Ukraine when she was allegedly mistreated by officials or unofficials (she never made it clear) of the former U.S.S.R.

Childhood Trauma

The allegedly dissident alleged journalist had written movingly about her childhood in Ukraine, when she suffered untold discrimination which scarred her forever. Apparently her scars had taken the the form of a chronic inability to criticize Israel for anything at all.

And it was not particularly difficult for all the clowns to see that this allegedly dissident alleged journalist, for all her alleged loveliness, was not particularly interested in the truth about 9/11 or any aspect thereof. But it took a particularly obstinate clown to mention it. The cold clown who took this bold step was genuinely confused.

He had been trying to figure out how being mistreated by the Soviets as a child could motivate an allegedly dissident alleged journalist to try to undermine the pro-democracy movement which we seemed to need at the time. It wasn't until later that we realized it was already too late to salvage anything remotely approximating democracy.

It Was Rude to Mention

Our frozen clown never suffered any delusions of grandeur, nor did he congratulate himself for having helped to drive the allegedly dissident alleged journalist into quiet seclusion, likely in or near Tel Aviv.

But he couldn't help noticing that the air was just a bit clearer now that one -- just one -- of the many allegedly dissident alleged journalists who had been working so hard to protect the terrorist apartheid state of Israel, while pretending to do the opposite, had finally gone quiet.

For some unspecified time thereafter, our poor dumb clown wondered whether he should try even harder to make some of the other obvious Israeli assets in the alternative media aware of the errors they were making, or whether it was worth his while to try to teach any of them to spell common English words. It was a personal existential crisis, so to speak.

Frozen Head Meets Frozen Wall

But he banged his head against the wall for long enough to knock some sense into it for a change, and that's when he finally realized that his limited time and even more limited skills could be put to better use trying to help the people who were pulling for some truth to come out, rather than pulling against the odd assortment of people who were doing just the opposite.

Our cold clown would never dare to suggest that his change of direction had made any difference to anybody or anything at all. Such is his innate modesty.

But he did find a new source of energy when he began to connect with the people whom he regarded as most admirable, and offered to help them, rather than spending all his time trying to help allegedly dissident alleged journalists learn to write coherent English, in the hope, now obviously forlorn, that such assistance could do any good for anyone except those former "friends" who had suddenly revealed themselves to be working for the enemy.

Helping the Good Guys for a Change

"Lord, what fools these mortals be," he repeated endlessly but silently, while he quietly severed his connections with the people he had been trying so hard to help. But at the same time he was renewing his efforts to connect with actual truth-tellers who were actually telling important truths.

This change of direction didn't give the frozen clown the impression that he has made any difference at all in the grand scheme of things, but at least it renewed his determination to pull in the right direction if he must pull at all.

Another Long and Boring Tangent

Thus we approach the end of another long and boring tangent, which does nothing for our story, really, save for explaining why a frozen humble clown happens to know as much as he claims to know about so many 9/11-related topics with which most Americans are thoroughly unacquainted. His unique background, admittedly circumstantial, has also enabled him to scribble this demented account of those weird times without the benefit of any research whatsoever.

It must be noted that said clown sometimes appears to be almost as smart as two bricks, so his potential for learning even more than he already knows appears to be unlimited, at least as long as his health holds up. But that's another long and boring tangent, and we've had too many of those already, which is sad when you think about it, since we are still only in Chapter 2 of 13.

Our Best Move at this Point

So perhaps our best move at this point is not to think about it anymore. In fact it might be even better if we don't think about anything anymore. In this way we could maybe set a precedent which might see us through the rest of this long and boring story.

And that wouldn't bother me a bit, so I hope it's OK with you. I think we could both use a break now. It's all so confusing.

Why Is It All So Confusing?

If you think this makes no sense, you're probably following the plot pretty well. But if you think it does make sense, you're probably not. It's designed this way. It's all confusing because it's supposed to be confusing. The confusion is part of the plan. It's a big ugly plan to confuse you and everybody else. And we're lucky that most of the time it works pretty well. But every now and then some clown comes along on the internet who can see through the plan or at least thinks he can.

And whenever this happens, it messes things up for the rest of us. We're lucky that stuff like this doesn't happen very often because the official story of 9/11 made perfect sense before the clowns arrived. And maybe it will make perfect sense again once the clowns have all gone back to their circus.

Too Many Questions

The big problem is not the clowns per se; it's the questions they keep asking. There's a pattern that keeps recurring.

We might almost say something like this happens whenever something like this happens. Who could argue with that kind of logic?

But that's not all. There's more. Whenever something like this happens, it could potentially cause a small problem, but luckily not a very serious one! At least not most of the time.

Our great leaders know how to combat terrorist sympathizers who ask too many questions. You may wonder how they can identify terrorist sympathizers so easily. The answer is that terrorist sympathizers ask too many questions. You may also wonder how many questions is too many. The answer is zero. In post-democratic societies, such as ours, this is called free speech.

Too Many Comments

I may have made a slight error in the previous paragraph when I implied that the right to ask zero questions is called free speech. That was a half-baked remark.

Had I been smart enough to make a fully-baked remark, I would have said: If you learned about the American system of government in a civics class, which you might have called "Social Studies", you were certainly taught that the Constitution guarantees free speech under the First Amendment.

Freedom of Speech in Action

But this is also half-baked because in fact the freedom of speech that applies to normal people is slightly limited. And what's the limit? You might not find out until you hit it. The whole thing is arbitrary anyway. That's why we're always taught that our rights are inalienable. We're not supposed to know what "inalienable" means. It's a complicated word which is commonly supposed to mean "having no conceivable ties with aliens".

But nobody knows why it means this. And that's very deliberate. If you concentrate very hard for a long time, you may recall something else that we might have learned in Social Studies, which seems very important now, although our Social Studies teachers tried not to mention it when their students were around.

Inalienable Rights

It doesn't take much independent study to realize that our "inalienable rights" are only mentioned in the Declaration of Independence, which has no legal force and is regarded in most of the world as a piece of remarkably successful propaganda. On the other hand, the Constitution, which does have the forces of law and limitless violence behind it, makes no mention whatsoever of any "inalienable rights".

In fact, the only "rights" enshrined in our marvelous Constitution are encoded in the form of Amendments, of which the first ten are the most famous. It's a shame that none of our Social Studies teachers remembered to tell us that the Bill of Rights was added to the original document after it became clear that the Constitution could not have been ratified unless it at least made some pretense of protecting the "inalienable rights" that our revolutionary heroes thought they had been fighting for.

A Sad Story, Even Without the Sad Details

It's a sad story even when I leave out all the most heart-breaking details. So I won't mention any of the more disturbing elements of this sad and sorry tale, except to circle back to the original topic and remind you that the right of free speech, which was not exactly won or lost in the Revolutionary War, consists of two equal parts.

The right to ask zero questions is only half of free speech. The right to make zero comments is the other half.