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| ... a great wave of relief washes over me ...
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Reasons to be Concerned
On that dreadful morning, even before any towers had collapsed, some paranoid delusional fools were worrying that the whole dismal episode might provide an opportunity for devious government officials who would use it as a pretext to justify new policies which would have been unsupportable on 9/10. And I was one of them.
We had good reasons to be concerned, especially since the day's news broadcasts were peppered with comforting little exchanges in which the anchor would ask, "Does this mean our civil liberties will have to be restricted?" and the guests replied, "It's obvious that the Constitution doesn't protect us against attacks such as this." And that seemed a bit ominous.
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| We started hearing 9/11 described as a "new Pearl Harbor". |
A "New Pearl Harbor"
But our fears were reduced when we started hearing 9/11 described as a "new Pearl Harbor", which of course referred to a different airborne attack by different suicidal maniacs from a different crappy little Asian country we should have destroyed a long time ago anyway.
Having learned our history so very well, we knew that even though America had been shocked by the dastardly surprise attack, and even though we were forced to wage war against our will, our government never restricted anyone's civil liberties during the war, nor did anyone in the government even consider doing so.
sometimes all of our thoughts are misgiven
Self-Determination for All Peoples
From the ban on bread-slicing machines to the preventive detention of sneaky inscrutable subversives with no black marks on their records other than their parents' citizenship or place of birth, FDR's administration steadfastly refused to crack down on civil liberties throughout the war.
He thought it was morally repugnant to imprison innocent people for no reason, and he stood firm against all plans to do so until his untimely death. His courageous stand against government repression gave added weight to the mantra he had repeated throughout the war, which, as we all remember, was fought to guarantee "self-determination for all peoples." So it was a good thing that FDR was never overruled on this important point.
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| Our great leaders showed admirable restraint
as they "reacted to" 9/11 because they love you. |
Admirable Restraint
With all this in mind, we started to hope our current great leaders would choose to follow a similarly noble path, and our hopes got a bit brighter when we realized that nobody was trying to foment animosity toward living Muslims (who clearly had not performed any suicide missions).
And nobody was talking about "racial profiling" or anything like that, so we knew all American citizens would continue to travel freely, regardless of their religion or the color of their skin, even while they were being endlessly hassled by police who kept stopping them for no good reason.
In short, the admirable restraint shown by American officials at all levels in the days after 9/11 was a harbinger of things not to come.
A Great Wave
I think I can speak for everyone who, like myself, feared on 9/11 that we were headed for an ominous future, when I say a great wave of relief washes over me whenever I imagine that all my worries might have been unfounded.
Apparently I was mistaken in my immature belief that any government officials could be devious, as we can see when we survey the changes that have not taken place during the last 20 years.
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| We may be living in a Police State now, but the Police State loves you. |
A Steady Course
I can honestly say that 9/11 has hardly affected our national destiny in any way, and certainly not in any significant way. On the contrary, our great leaders have patiently steered a steady course, on the day of the attacks and ever since, with all the grace, restraint, and compassion we have come to expect. Even better, they've told us the truth at every step, so that we could understand what they were doing and why.
But it didn't have to be this way. And for a while it looked as if something far worse might happen because some very stupid and dangerous ideas weren't floating around in those days.
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| They might arrest your computer, but only because they love you. |
Lawfare
Among the many stupid and dangerous ideas which were never implemented, one of the stupidest was called "lawfare", a new word coined to denote the use of the civilian legal system as a weapon of war. The idea was dangerous because our legal system was created to protect the fine citizens of our great nation against criminal abuse.
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| Police are being trained differently now. |
Clearly, if the legal system had been turned into a weapon and especially if the citizens had been construed as the enemy, stupid consequences would have been impossible to prevent. So we're lucky that nobody even mentioned lawfare as a possibility.
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| Nobody ever suggested extraordinary rendition
because it was such a stupid and brutal idea. |
Extraordinary Rendition
In a less civilized country, some hopeless loser might have requested authority to kidnap anyone from anywhere and take him anywhere else, for any reason at all or just for no reason. This odd notion, which might have been called "extraordinary rendition", never crossed the minds of even our most beloved leaders.
And we're lucky that no such thing ever happened, or ever could have happened. Imagine! The CIA might have been required to open some "black sites" where "detainees" could be held without any oversight from anyone whatsoever. And that would have been dangerous, especially if it had led to
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| John Yoo never tried to justify torture because he loves you. |
Enhanced Interrogation
Another stupid and dangerous idea that was never even floated could have involved "normalization" of torture as a method of interrogation or just for the purpose of inflicting maximum pain and fear on an individual or an entire society.
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| John Yoo crushes a difficult question! |
This was obvously such a bad idea that it wasn't codified in any military manuals. And therefore, no so-called judicial experts attempted to justify it, while it wasn't being made standard practice all over the country. [1]
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| David Addington never supported the lunatic
"unitary executive" idea because he loves you. |
The Unitary Executive
Another stupid and dangerous idea which never floated around for a while without getting anywhere was called the "unitary executive". This mad notion meant that the President ought to be able to do whatever he wanted, without the annoying restrictions imposed by the Constitution and the separation of powers which it had established.
Since the separation of powers provides the checks and balances which make our system of government the envy of the world, it would have been very dangerous to tamper with it. So we're blessed that the "unitary executive" idea was never taken seriously by anyone in the Bush administration, nor by anyone in any subsequent administration. The idea is obviously too stupid to mention.
The Presumption of Innocence
While we're discussing stupid and dangerous ideas that were never implemented, we shouldn't forget to mention "the presumption of innocence", which has long served as the foundation of the freedoms we enjoy on a daily basis.
For a brief moment it appeared as if the grand American tradition of treating anyone accused of a crime as "innocent until proven guilty" might have been in danger. Rumors in circulation at the time indicated that changes might be on the way which would remove this presumption specifically in cases involving terrorism, but fortunately that never happened.
The Jewel in the Crown
Americans have always believed that the more serious the crime, the more evidence should be required for a conviction. And there was a chance that this tradition might have been overturned, so that anyone accused of terrorism could be convicted without any evidence at all, except of course for some trivial items which appeared to have been fabricated by government informants or agents provocateurs.
Obviously it was a very stupid and extremely dangerous idea, and we can all sleep soundly now that we know there was never any real possibility that it might find its way into our criminal justice system, which as we all know is the most spectacular jewel in the American crown.
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| Nothing to see here. |
All Around the World
The same great wave washed over people all around the world. Governments in many countries could have used 9/11 as an excuse to justify unnecessary and expensive new social programs such as unlimited surveillance, arbitrary censorship, indefinite confinement without charge or trial, abduction, torture, and murder. But they didn't. Or at least most of them didn't.
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| Nothing to see here. |
No Dire Consequences
In the U.S. specifically, law enforcement agencies could have been militarized in a way that might have turned the police against the people, perhaps with dire consequences. We're lucky that none of these things have happened, for many reasons, none of which I would be at liberty to mention if they had.
Slightly Hawkish
The slightly hawkish war mongers in the Bush administration could have used 9/11 as a pretext to invade a country that had nothing to do with the attacks, and in this way the U.S. might have become entangled in a ground war that could have lasted almost twenty years, followed by a drone war that might have continued long after the troops had left. We're lucky that didn't happen. It certainly would have been expensive, not to mention slightly unpopular in some quarters.
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| There is no place in Afghanistan where poppies
can grow. So getting heroin from Afghanistan is completely out of the question. |
Afghanistan
For a few days in October of 2001, it seemed as if they might attack Afghanistan. But that wouldn't have made any sense because Afghanistan occupies a geopolitically insignificant location, has no energy or mineral resources, and contains no fields suitable for growing poppies, which of course cannot be made into opium and then heroin.
Americans are smart enough to realize that the CIA would never be interested in smuggling heroin, lacking the clearance to move illegal drugs across international borders, the logistical resources to do so, and the motivation that would have been required for such a criminal enterprise even to be considered.
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| Poppies such as these cannot be made into heroin, which cannot be sold for a profit anywhere in the world. |
Drugs and Money
The key point in all this, and the one we all missed, was the question of motivation. We kept forgetting, understandably in my opinion, that heroin could not have been sold anywhere at a profit, so the CIA could not have generated any money by selling it.
Furthermore, the money that could not have been generated could not have been laundered because the CIA has no conceivable connections to any large institutional investors.
Therefore the profits that weren't being generated could not have been used to supplement the black budgets which weren't funding even more terrorism in even more foreign countries, and all without any Congressional authorization whatsoever.
Oil and Pipelines
Similarly, Afghanistan has no oil, and doesn't lie between any oil-producing regions and any oil-consuming regions. So it would not be a good place for the pipeline that UNOCAL wanted to build there. [2]
Precious Minerals
Current estimates also indicate that Afghanistan probably has less than $100 trillion worth of precious minerals. And that paltry amount would surely attract no attention among corporations specializing in helping foreign countries to get rid of their precious minerals.
Claiming the Spoils
No matter how you slice it, destroying Afghanistan and claiming the wreckage (as the spoils of a war we were forced to fight), which may have seemed a really good idea at the time, would have been pointless because Afghanistan offered no economic or political advantage whatsoever. That's why we're lucky that we didn't waste any time, effort, or money trying to conquer it. [3]
Not to mention blood, of course, but who cares about blood? We can all be grateful that our leaders figured out it wouldn't work all by themselves, rather than making an expensive and ghastly mess, which surely would been the result had they made any stupid mistakes on this complex and vital issue.
Simultaneous Unwarranted Wars
Speaking of stupid mistakes, the hawks in the White House could also have used 9/11 as a pretext to attack many other counties such as Iraq, none of which had anything to do with the attacks, and in that way the U.S. might have become entangled in several simultaneous unwarranted wars. We certainly dodged a bullet on that one. Think of how much it would have cost.
But don't think of how much damage it would have done to innocent people all around the world! Fortunately, most Americans don't know or care how much damage the U.S. does to innocent people all around the world, so this would not have been a serious concern even if had happened, which of course it didn't.
A National Psychosis
Most importantly, in my opinion: The fear engendered by 9/11 could easily have been deliberately magnified, for instance by repeated warnings about "impending" terrorist attacks, [4] and if this had happened, the American people might have developed a national psychosis, which might have caused them to start electing clueless buffoons to the most important offices in the land. We can all be thankful that this didn't happen because [5]
Traumatized
Imagine if we had been traumatized by countless warnings about countless terrorist attacks. Imagine if those terrorist attacks had all been foiled in the nick of time. Imagine if all the terrorist cells had turned out to be not only infiltrated by but actually instigated by agents provocateurs.
Imagine if those agents provocateurs had been working for domestic law enforcement agencies. Imagine if our domestic law enforcement agencies were actually fomenting domestic terrorism. Now imagine what would happen if all this information became public knowledge.
It is not beyond the realm of possibility that some of us might have lost some of our faith, not only in our government, but in our whole system of government. And it's kind of scary to think about how things might have turned out if we had sung "God Bless America" just a wee bit less often.
The Golden Trifecta
We hit the golden trifecta when it turned out that (1) Philip Zelikow's skills were known to the Bush White House even though (2) he himself was doubly-unaffiliated with it, and yet (3) the President trusted him enough to charge him with such an important task.
Most Americans don't know anything about this. But Zelikow's role in this story would be better known and appreciated if Zelikow had used any of his masterful propaganda skills to glorify himself rather than simply trying to help our battered nation heal its wounds and then slinking back into the slime from which he emerged at the ideal time to make a difference, and with the ideal skill set for the job. How could this have turned out better?
Undercover
After reviewing the manner in which Zelikow had performed the task with which he had been charged, some obnoxious anti-American nut-bar fruitcakes suggested that Philip Zelikow himself should have been charged.
Surely there must be something wrong with these people. They haven't settled down at all about this trivial episode, even after all these years. Sometimes it seems as if we should just line them all up and shoot them, since that might be the only way to shut them all up.
Among The Truthers
But it might not be a good idea. Or at least that's the upshot of a brilliant bit of undercover research by the brilliant pseudo-journalist Jonathan Kay, who presented his findings in a brilliant novel called "Among The Truthers".
The book is a carefully detailed account of Kay's brilliant undercover research, which lasted for several consecutive days in a row.
Thanks to his tireless dedication to digging up the truth of the matter, Kay found out that 68% of these fools had taken too much acid at one time or another, while the other 47% were just born stupid and never bothered going to math class.
Significant Findings
Jonathan Kay's findings were significant because it had previously been thought that all these slimy morons were afflicted with the same disease. But Kay found out that they only share one common feature: They are simply too gullible to believe the obvious truths and fictions contained in the report of the 9/11 Commission.
Something in the Tin
We used to be able to identify these gullible, ignorant jerks just by looking at their heads. But that was before all the hat makers stopped using tin-foil. Apparently there was something in the tin that was driving them mad.
Fortunately we can still identify the half-baked clowns by their non-stop drooling, which sets them apart from patriotic intelligent Americans, who only drool about half the time, and in some cases even a bit less.
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| General Dreedle loves you. |
Double Bonus
We're lucky that none of these clowns have ever been taken seriously. But in a strange way we might also be lucky that they weren't all taken out and shot, as General Dreedle was almost ready to do when his son-in-law spoke up and informed him of the potential consequences.
Apparently Dreedle's idea was somewhat rash and could have caused a bit of international embarrassment if it had been implemented, especially if stories about it had made the news. So we're fortunate that he didn't go through with it.
Keeping the Faith
In retrospect we can see that in the wake of these awful terrorist attacks, we managed to hit the biggest jackpot ever available anywhere.
But that's no surprise, really. Our public myths about 9/11 have been created and maintained by Philip Zelikow, who knows more than anyone else about catastrophic terrorism and the political uses to which it can be put.
Zelikow's contribution to our bright national future was essential. And his task was very difficult indeed. But his success can be measured by the obvious fact that none of us have ever lost faith in our government.
And as we all know, this was absolutely vital because a democratic government can have no greater asset than the faith of its people.
Photo Essay:
Jesus Loves The Little Children
Jesus Loves The Little Children
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| Jesus loves the little children |
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| All the little children of the world |
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| Red and Yellow, Black and White |
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| They are precious in His sight |
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| Jesus loves the little children of the world
|
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| Jesus loves the little children |
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| All the little children of the world |
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| dum de dum de dum de White |
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| They are precious in His sight |
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| Jesus loves the little children of the world
|
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| Jesus loves the little children |
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| All the little children of the world |
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| dum de dum de dum de dum |
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| dum de dum de dum de dum |
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| Jesus loves the little children of the world
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| Jesus loves the little children |
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| dum de dum de dum de dum de dum |
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| dum de dum de dum de dum |
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| dum de dum de dum de dum |
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| dum de dum de dum de dum de dum de dum |
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| dum de dum de dum de dum de dum de dum |
Listen: Bill Nelson / Be Bop Deluxe: Crying To The
Sky
I could fly away
over this river of tears
but I think I'll stay
to face all my troubles and fight like a man
I won't fear
love is near
Notes:
1: In fact none of what I've just told you is true because
torture was already standard practice in the whole
world, not only in the criminal "justice systems" of our
beloved homeland.
But by calling it "enhanced interrogation", our great leaders could have made it seem "acceptable" somehow. So we're fortunate that nobody ever tried to do that.
We're equally fortunate that nobody ever told us that torture was already standard practice in much of the world because our great leaders in their great wisdom have developed powerful weapons and techniques of torture and shared them with the dictators they've enshrined in all the "sovereign" foreign countries which have fallen under their control.
That would have been a very unpatriotic observation at a very patriotic time, and nobody would have wanted to hear anything like it, even though or especially because it would have been so true. ↑
But by calling it "enhanced interrogation", our great leaders could have made it seem "acceptable" somehow. So we're fortunate that nobody ever tried to do that.
We're equally fortunate that nobody ever told us that torture was already standard practice in much of the world because our great leaders in their great wisdom have developed powerful weapons and techniques of torture and shared them with the dictators they've enshrined in all the "sovereign" foreign countries which have fallen under their control.
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| Silly question! Torture teaches our children that our great leaders love them. |
That would have been a very unpatriotic observation at a very patriotic time, and nobody would have wanted to hear anything like it, even though or especially because it would have been so true. ↑
2: Speaking of oil, this may be the worst place to point out
that Iraq has no oil to speak of, and neither do any of
the other Petroleum Exporting Countries. ↑
4: The cold clown has done most of his so-called "serious work"
documenting and disentangling repeated warnings about "impending"
terrorist attacks, most notably the so-called "case" of
the so-called "Liquid Bombers", who were accused (and convicted)
of trying to kill "hundreds of thousands of people" by smuggling
hydrogen peroxide onto international flights and making
bombs out of it while in the air.
Every aspect of this story was patently absurd, and yet it led to severe restrictions on air travel and other "security" nightmares.
For an overview of the cold clown's coverage of this "case", see "The 'Liquid Bombers' Series". For a hypothetical but far-too-credible explanation of where this and other similar cases come from, and what they mean, see "Inadequate Deception: The Impossible Plots of the Terror War". ↑
Every aspect of this story was patently absurd, and yet it led to severe restrictions on air travel and other "security" nightmares.
For an overview of the cold clown's coverage of this "case", see "The 'Liquid Bombers' Series". For a hypothetical but far-too-credible explanation of where this and other similar cases come from, and what they mean, see "Inadequate Deception: The Impossible Plots of the Terror War". ↑
5: if Americans were just a bit less diligent about choosing
the greatest candidates the world's most wonderful democracy
can produce, the whole world might be in a spot of bother
just now. ↑
